A perfect video? Wipe me Down.

I haven't done this in forever, but this couldn't be passed up. Lil Boosie and Co. are the latest Bullshit Rap Video of the Week.

• Straight into shots of bitches. Why waste time?
• Bragging about your tall tee. Dope.
• How will Lil Boosie start his verse? If you guessed by spelling out "Boosie Bad Azz" on hoes' stomachs, you guessed right.
• Please note the little kid at the 2.08 mark, I hate my parents for not putting me in ghetto-fabulous music videos at a young age.
• Damn Webbie may outshine Lil Boosie's opening verse with his gem of: "Hot drop drop top top drop hoes drop it like its hot yea nigga im the shit." If I ever get married these are going to be my vows.
  
• Also props to Webbie for the lyrical masterpiece of: "And i don't use the Lifestyle or the Magnum or the Trojan i'll go head and use the barrel of the tech." Note: This will added to the end of my vows.
  

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 5/5
Bitches: 5/5 (I was very impressed by these hoes)
Grillin the camera: 4/5 (I threw in a few points for Foxx the side-profile grill)
Stacks of money: 10/5 (One, Lil Boosie having a stack in his mouth. Fucking Wow. Two, the little kid with the stacks at the end is precious)
Cadillacs: 3/5 (The Dodge Magnum with Lamborghini doors was nice)
Shots of your projects: 2/5 (Being in the club, projects it's all one in the same)
Guns: 0/5 (Guns would have been nice)
Drugs: 1/5 (They rhymed about purple enough)
Liquor: 0/5 (Buy the bar out already)
Bonus 20 points for WPM Lifetime Achievement Award for this:

and the first 40 seconds of this video

Total score: 50/45 (111%)

The highest score ever. Lil Boosie you are a Where's P-Mac legend. Hopefully once I get a baby mama and a kid you can teach me how to raise a child, because your parenting skills far surpass your rapping skills, which is saying, well, not that much really. Seriously though, Lil Boosie you are one of the greatest human beings ever.

A distant second but another video I wanted to recognize was Hurricane Chris' "A Bay Bay."

As always here is the chopped-n-screwed version of "Wipe me Down"

LOL, like Bush is awesome

I don't follow closely politics all that closely, I read the papers, I watch various news stations from time to time. But I do know enough to know that Bush is fucking up (c) Chappelle, or at least that's the general consensus among the mostly-liberal college-aged youth I am surrounded with. I know college kids who love Bush, but I know far more who are less than pleased with his eight years in office.

I say all that to say this...What the fuck is wrong with the UA softball team? How does a 40 person party based mainly of college students travel to the White House and not one them any has any negative feelings on what's going on in the world.

The girls had a very bright local spotlight on them and they had a chance to make any political statement they wanted and all we got was pitcher Taryne Mowatt saying Bush was "Really funny, actually."

I am not saying the girls needed to slap Bush in the face, but how awesome would it have been if just one of them refused to go to D.C. Or if one of them would have worn a black arm band or done anything besides say G.W. was totally hilarious.

I know there are millions of people out there who would have loved to have that much say in the media and make a national statement. The thing I don't understand is how not one person on the 2006 or 2007 Championship team which voyaged to D.C. didn't have any strong feelings. If I were to close my eyes and randomly grab 40 students off any college campus, I would bet at least one of them would hate Bush. Am I supposed to believe that not one of these girls has been personally affected by the war in Iraq and they are all completely fine with everything Bush is doing in office?

What do I know, maybe the key to winning back-to-back Championships is being completely oblivious to everything off the field.

Fuck the minors

I hate the Tucson Sidewinders. I am glad they are leaving. I always dread having to cover a Sidewinders game. However the last time trudged to Tucson Electric Park, which is buried in Tucson's illustrious Southside, I discovered that Robby Hammock hates being there more than I do.

As I chatted with Robby in the clubhouse, I thought perhaps his best friend had just died along with his dog and he got a flat tire on the way to the game. The man was down and he did not want to be there. At all. He was still cool as fuck, just pissed off that he was living the minor league life in Tucson and not in the playing for the Diamondbacks while living in Scottsdale. Can't blame him.

Here is my quality work:

Before Sunday night's Sidewinders game, utility player Robby Hammock sat back on a couch with his bare feet propped on a table as he watched the Arizona Diamondbacks on a small television.

He wondered if he would still be in the majors if it wasn't for a 2005 shoulder surgery that sidelined him for a year.

"I just watch it thinking it's just all a bad dream and I'm going to wake up some day," said Hammock, 30, who was optioned to Tucson by the Diamondbacks on June 10. "I have no idea what's going to happen from here on out." read on

Gangster things that were cut from the article:

While he patiently waits to return to the major leagues and all the luxuries it includes he grows tired of the day-to-day grind of the minor leagues, which often entail plane flights which leave on 6 a.m. of game days.

“It just leads to poor performance and injury, I think it’s a terrible, terrible, terrible travel league,” Hammock said.

Silly quote that didn't make the story:

“I might wear those orange vests and sell newspapers on the corners under street lights. I’ll put on long sleeves and go out in the 112-degree heat.” Robby Hammock on jobs he is considering if baseball does not work out for him.

It should also be noted that I let Robby know I wasn't fucking around right off the bat, when I rested my Oxide Dunks next to Robby's bare feet on the table.

Brandon Jennings is a G

Even though I really don't have much hope for this year's Cats squad (set your expectations low and you can't be disappointed right?), Brandon Jennings has me stoked for the 2009 season, and I'm not one to use "stoked" often.

Check the quotes below to see how g'd up Brandon Jennings is: all taken from Aggrey Sam's Slamonline post

As far as the players, Gibbons said, “I’d say Brandon Jennings is the best player here. Talent-wise, he’s just head and shoulders above the other point guards,” noted Gibbons.

Jennings himself agreed with that assessment. “Having former pros teaching you is real exciting, but to be honest, I’ve had my way with everyone at this camp so far. Nobody here has really been any competition for me,” said the cocky Cali lefty. “I think I’m the king of [high school] point guards right now.”

“I don’t respect West Coast point guards; they’re too Hollywood for me. I’m more of an East Coast, flashy-type point guard,” continued the rising senior at Oak Hill, arguably the most exciting player in the class.

“Someone like Jrue Holiday [another top-ranked Cali guard], he’s real smooth, goes to work in the first three quarters–but he’s not a killer yet. Me, I’m a killer.”

That's right fuck every West Coast point guard. Brandon Jennings is better than you. He's a killer. Y'all get shot at, he does the shootin'. Brandon Jennings is God. Hype. Hype. Hype.

The article also had this to say about Mr. Jennings.

Brandon Jennings, 6-1 senior point guard, Oak Hill: Simply put, Jennings was unstoppable when he wanted to be. A human fast break, he had defenders on skates whenever he had the ball in his hands and either used his remarkable court vision to make a breathtaking dish to a teammate, got their faces wet with his much more consistent deep ball, finished at the rim with a creative touch ora high-rising bang.

Oh hell no.

There's a lot of deeply disturbing pictures on the internet, but I believe this one takes the cake. Never before have I ever seen a more fucked-up picture in life. Granted the odds of Mustafa ever making the Suns' roster are about the same odds as me getting dome from the entire UA softball team, still there is no need for the Tucson Citizen to scare the masses.

Thank you Jesus...err...Weezy

Link stolen from NikeTalk

l'inventeur du jour

I've been sidelined from the blogging game by various, unknown Tucson-summer illnesses, but here is a little piece I wrote on the Tucson Sidewinders Dave Krynzel. Apparently dude likes to invent shit and he claims that he came up with the idea for moving seats which will appear in a 2009 Mercedes before Mercedes released it.

Unfortunately he's still sitting in a minor league clubhouse in Tucson, while the man who put the plan into action is enjoying the fruits of his labor on the Autobahn.

I'm gone to Mexico for the week, where my chief aim is to cop a cool new hat. Wally Balls you inspired me. Thank you.

You don't want to make Kobayashi angry...

Big ups to Joe Chestnut for defending the stars and stripes by breaking the world record for consumption of hot dogs in 12 minutes with his annihilation of 59 1/2 dogs. Also props to the man for breaking it in Arizona Mills.

Here is the full story taken from FoxNews.com:

PHOENIX — A California man smashed the world record for hot dog eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling up more than 59 franks in 12 minutes.
Joe Chestnut, 22, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HBDs" — hot dogs and buns — during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe.

Kobayashi's old record of 53 3/4 was set last year at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, held at Coney Island in New York, said George Costos, who helps runs the regional contests for Nathan's.

Chestnut placed second in last year's world championships, consuming 52 hot dogs.

"He's unbelievable — he just keeps on going," said Ryan Nerz, who works for Major League Eating, which he describes as "a world governing board for all stomach-centric sports."

"These guys' numbers have just been going up at a tremendous clip," Nerz said. "I always thought there was a limit — a limit to the human stomach and a limit to human willpower — but I guess not."

Chestnut won a free trip to New York, a year's supply of hot dogs and a $250 gift card to the mall.