Fa la la la la! It's a Dipset Christmas!

Honestly, a young writer like myself trying to review Jim Jones' "A Dipset X-mas" is like a 3rd-grader trying to understand quantum physics. I've listened to hip-hop for the better part of my life, but even I am having trouble understanding the greatness of Jim Jones following his masterpiece "Hustler's P.O.M.E" with a Christmas album.

Obviously, Jim Jones a.k.a The Capo a.k.a One-Eyed Willy put out "A Dipset X-Mas" not to make a quick $100k from Koch Records, but clearly for the kids. The album booklet has perhaps the greatest quote of all time to not come out of Gilbert Arenas' mouth as it reads, "'I wanted to make a Christmas album for kids in the hood and shit like that' -Capo."

The album is a dynamic masterpiece filled with cocaine-altered allusions to a white Christmas, freshly baked pies, doves and any other Christmas related topic that can possibly be interpreted into a cocaine reference.

The album begins with Jim Jones declaring, "It's fitna be a good Christmas this year, Santa know when you good or bad and we ballin." over a less synthesized, more hip-hop infused version of Paul McCartney and Wings' "A Wonderful Christmas time." The lyrical masterminds of Dipset changed the chorus to:

"The musics tight
The block is stuffed
We here tonight
And thats whats up
Livin fast and ballin at Christmas time
Livin fast its a Dipset Christmas time"

Chalk it up to a poor education in public schools or just blame my ignorance, but I don't know every C-list Dipset member by their voice, but one of the Goons (Mel Matrix I believe) opens his 16 with "I'm tryna live everyday like it's Christmas/I shovel yay so every day a n*gga risk this" and then ends the song with "And everybody spaz out/get blowed homie 'til you fuckin pass out/it's Christmas!"

It's hard to comprehend all that and still have four more tracks to go, but I'm going to try. The second track titled "Have a Happy Christmas" does not have as many quotables. It's a darker song about growing up poor with no presents in a single-parent home, until your rap/trap-star career turned it around enabling you to cop a couple of Ranges for the fam, you know shit we can all relate to.

The third track titled "Wish List" starts with Jim Jones recalling "I lost my mind ma, all those broken promises on Christmas, Christmas got me going insane ma, I can't front, I used to want every gift under the book, but it just never came, December 25th was kinda crazy for me."

The entire track is underwhelming and it has one of the worst beats in the history of production, but the hook of "I'm losing my mind over this Christmas, trying to grind for everything on this wish list" saves the track.

"Ballin on X-Mas" is the best track on the album as Jim Jones, Stack Bundles (R.I.P.), and J.R. Writer tear up RUN DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" beat. Nothing puts you in the Christmas spirit mor than hearing Jim Jones spit "In all my years standing on 112th, I never seen Santa or no elf" then follow it with "You can tell Kris Kringle (tell him what), money ain't a party, he can bump my single."

Then Dipset unleashes the best hook in the history of music:
Deck the halls, it's a Dipset Christmas
We all ball, it's a Dipset Christmas
Fa la la la la! It's a Dipset Christmas!
We fly high, it's a Dipset Christmas
Christmas cheers, Dipset's here, Ballin every day!

On top of that J.R. Writer murks the flow as he compares himself to St. Nick, "Me and Santa alike, you know why I'm getting cake here, I grab a ho-ho-ho and make it rain dear. So fix your face queer." Then Mr. Writer lays down one of my favorite lines with the verse, "Cause it's kinda funny that my lawyer kinda clumsy the way he catches cases and drops it."

The Christmas portion of the mixtape concludes with "If every day was Christmas," a track where Hell Rell, Mel Matrix and Stack Bundles accompany Jim Jones over a "Jingle Bells" beat.
None of the verses are worth mentioning, but a nice soulful hook (below) makes the track enjoyable, well that and Hell Rell fitting "I'm that fucking n*gga" in every verse.

How I wish that every day was just like Christmas
On my list, got my everything my girl and my kids want
How i prey that my dogs will stay all about Christmas
'Til that day that we all got the power and riches

The rest of the album is another forgettable Dipset mixtape. The Capo follows the Christmas portion with a track titled "We get money," where he yells, "A message to you rap police, get off my dick, you smell me? You Donnie Brasco-ass n*ggas, Mike Lawrys, you shouldn't want to be like these n*ggas, you fucking faggots, snitches, dickheads!"

Well said Jim, a great message for the kids indeed.