Part 2: Valencia

Upon walking in the bell tower of Valencia’s Cathedral of the Holy Chalice, I saw two old men, who I presumed to be fellow tourists, turning giant iron bells. I instantly jumped at the opportunity to join them and ring a bell myself, mainly for the story which would impress bell fanatics, and I’m not sure who else. Within seconds I realized the bell ringing was limited professionals, and I was a rather dejected.

Upon walking in the bell tower of Valencia’s Cathedral of the Holy Chalice, I saw two old women, who I presumed to be fellow tourists, looking me in the eyes and pointing toward their wide-open mouths. I instantly jumped at their offer of fellatio, mainly for the story which would impress gerontophiles, and I’m not sure who else. Within seconds I realized they were simply instructing me how to lessen the pain of the bell’s deafening ring, and I was a rather dejected.

Other things of interest in Valencia:

• Valencia’s drink of choice is Horchata, an icy white liquid made of tiger nut. For some reason we didn’t try this beverage until our last hour in Valencia and that is one of my bigger regrets in life because the Horchata was mind-blowingly delicious. It tasted like sweet raw pie crust in a liquid format.

I now realize that when people say Europe is more sophisticated than the United States they’re referencing how the Spaniards took the word fart and turned into the “farton” a delicious accompaniment to Horchata.

Here is a picture of me acting un-sophisticated with a farton and Horchata.

Interesting that I chose to force the blowjob joke on two old ladies trying to save my ear drums and not on a white liquid called tiger nut.

• I’m not sure why any movie that portrays the future wouldn’t film at Valencia’s Ciudad de las Artes y las Ciencias because it’s the most futuristic looking mini metropolis I’ve ever seen. Let’s now fast forward to 30 minutes after finding myself in the future city, as I’m quite hungry in their park. I was exactly 1 part: in awe of these ultra-modern giant structures, 1 part: wondering where hid their futuristic Jack in the Box. Then out of nowhere a very pretty girl strolled up on a bicycle toting a wicker basket loaded with free samples scrumscious pizza and focaccia.

The over population and impending depletion of every natural resource makes the future a bit scary, but as long as there’s cute focaccia girl, I’m hopeful for the next generation.

That's not focaccia girl. It's Sarah, who's also very pretty.

A Mildly Fascinating Fact About Our airbnb Hosts:

Their cat once fell from the fifth floor window shattering half his spine and every bone in his hind legs. As one might assume about our host who rents out his bedroom and sleeps on his family room floor to make a few extra euros, the cat’s owner is not that financially well off.

This didn’t deter the pet lover from finding the proper medical care for his beloved pet as he asked family and friends for donations to fund the cat’s surgery. Two weeks after his cat’s surgery, his dog ran away never to be seen again.

Valencia Q&A:

Q: Is it true that Valencia has tiny Nazis?

A: Yes, they’re located in the Museo L'Iber along with over 85,000 tiny soldiers and warriors.

Q: Does that museum also depict tiny graphic sex scenes?

A: Yes, it does.

Q: Will future blog posts talk about oral sex and genitalia as much as this post?

A: Hopefully not.

Q: Two posts into this travel adventure, Spain seems... well... different. Is it different?
A: Spain is, in fact, different according to this postcard .

Q: Did you get to hold an owl while you were in Valencia?

A: