Saturday, March 21, 2009
For future legal concerns let's deviate from the whole non-fiction travel memoirs and have a fictitious chapter about the time I met a washed-up basketball star in South America. For the purpose of this entry, we'll call him John McDoeson.
I had talked this player a long, long time ago and been a fan since he first joined the NBA and happened to be on my hometown team. Then magically as I traveled a foreign country and after some strange occurrences, I stumbled into him in a small town, that he just happened to be playing in.
I found it awkward that McDoeson brought up illicit drugs and adultery within the first five minutes I spoke with him.
“I really don't like it here,” McDoeson told me. “But as soon as I find some bitches and weed things will be better.”
I told McDoeson that the marijuana in this foreign country was not as good as the weed back in our common homeland. He was then devastated. He then went on a diatribe explaining how he had all the best hook-ups in his midwest metropolitan city which sits on Lake Michigan. He reminisced on his times in the NBA and how one of his teammates, whose name rhymes with Wario Smelly, “knew a guy who had all the weed in the world.” Ah the glory days of the NBA.
In his mind the only upside to playing in his current league was that they do not drug test.
I changed the subject and asked him what he brought with him when he would move to Europe to play basketball professionally overseas for several months at a time.
“I always brought weed where ever I went. I never got caught neither,” McDoeson said. “I'd always bring like seven or eight grams on the plane with me. I'd also bring a huge tub of Lawrys, like one of those Sam's Club size jars. I gotta have my seasoning.”
We talked some more and then McDoeson talked about trying to get some pussy again. I knew he had a wife, so I asked McDoeson about if his wife ever suspected that he was cheating on her. He told me she was completely fine with him “slutting it up” on the road as long as he used a condom and never cheated on her back home
“She's cool with it, but as soon as I get back home, it's 'N*gga don't be looking at no other bitches'” said McDoeson, exclaiming the last part in a woman's voice.
Throughout the time I spent with McDoeson he constantly talked about his discontent with his current coach and then he went on a rant bringing up how he has never gotten along with any coach. In short the phrase “completely uncoachable” might not be strong enough.
Overall McDoeson was still a great guy and what kind of guy would I be if I knocked another man for his passion for weed and women.