That's a lot of Starburys

My most sincere apologies for the 14-day Where's P-Mac drought, not sponsored by The Empire. I was on strike with the writers guild until I realized that I never was getting paid in the first place and I'm not part of any guilds.

I was actually in New York City promoting Where's P-Mac East, and by promoting I mean scribbling Wherespmac.com on the walls of NYU's dorm halls. While I was there I did get to witness what may be Stephon Marbury's last game as a Knick.

I went to the World's Most Famous Arena Sunday night to watch the Knicks play the Heat, who are still waiting for D-Wade to get up for the eighth time. I was pumped to see Stephon Marbury, one of my favorite players ever, in action. Unfortunately Jason Williams owned Steph the whole night, getting steals, hitting game winners and forcing Steph to take a horrible shot as the clock expired. Miami ended up winning their first game of the season 75-72.

Since then Steph has vanished into thin air. Not playing in the Tuesday's loss to the Suns and now threatening to snitch on Freaky Zekey.

"Isiah has to start me," Marbury fumed, according to the source. "I've got so much (stuff) on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first. You have no idea what I know."

Since two of the leagues craziest people are involved, nobody knows what's going to happen, but Steph has already been fined $180,000 or 12,016 pairs of Starburys.

On to the college game. UA has got off to a stellar start edging out a garbage Northern Arizona by 7 points in their opening game. I missed the game, but according to every report, it was an underwhelming effort by Zona.

Bad news: The Lumberjacks shot 50 percent from the field in the second half and stayed in the game despite shooting 19 fewer free throws. The Cats were only up 3 with 52 seconds left. Jordan Hill fouled out and the other big men got handled by Big-Sky-caliber big men. Jerryd Bayless is not Gilbert Arenas.

Good news: The season is still pretty young and the Cats got the win.

Better news: Brandon Jennings officially signed on. The same Brandon Jennings who appears on the latest SLAM presents PUNKS cover.

Greg Hansen has been brutally honest on UA sports all year and he's not stopping for hoops.

Early contender for Where's P-Mac Nic Wise Moment of the Season: In a feature in Sunday's Daily Star hoops season preview Nic Wise (now a sophomore) listed English 101 as his toughest class this semester. Seriously Nic? English 101 is your toughest class in your sophomore year? The C.A.T.S. program must work miracles with these kids' schedules. Honorable mention goes to senior Jawann McClellen for listing Celtic Spiritualism as his toughest class.

Other items of importance:

A new DJ Khaled video for the "I'm so hood remix" with Busta Rhymes wearing 100 chains.

I don't even watch the shit any more but great quote from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, "It would just be a colossal dick move if they did that," regarding making shows without his writing or voice.

Great example of drugs ruining a rap career.

Great example of drugs ruining a rapper, then the said rapper realizes he's now mentally retarded, rolls with it and makes it work.

Umm...Ok.

Finally I can't make Saturday's UA game versus Virginia. If anybody out there wants to write some notes on the game for the site get at me (jadler1@email.arizona.edu). You won't make a dime, but your e-street cred will go through the roof.

Futbol y más

(available for immediate release)
Wherespmac.com is proud to announce its first partnership with the intramural soccer club Off Constantly. Last year only one team beat Off Constantly in a stellar inaugural season, in which Off Constantly went undefeated before losing deep in the playoffs.

This season Off Constantly is having a rough time adjusting to new players and shaking off the summer rust. However Off Constantly is admittedly using the 2002 Lakers approach of dogging the regular season and saving their energy for the post season run that will hopefully include a championship.

Random Links:

First off, hope all is well for Lute.

After last year's tazing before the UNC game and this year's tazing at the football home-opener, maybe ZonaZoo t-shirts should be made out of this.

It's good to see the King making cameos in bullshit rap videos.

Agent Arenas breaking down why he should be MVP.

A really interesting NPR bit on ghost people.

Really good read on the Google Phone.

Apparently Staf is no longer on the Kings roster.

“I have the utmost respect and aloha for black people" -Dog

Killa Cam quote of the day:
"Hahaha, of course! You know my lawyers are Jewish, they be saying that all the time. So then I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Larry David—I fuck with Larry—he called Ted Danson a ‘yenta.’ Yo, I fell out laughing. That sh-- was crazy. I said, that’s exactly what all these folks are doin’, gossiping about me. Yentas. That’s where the ‘Cam’ron is anonymous’ came from too. Did you see that episode? That’s my sh--. You have HBO On Demand? Its episode 52…."

A perfect video? Wipe me Down.

I haven't done this in forever, but this couldn't be passed up. Lil Boosie and Co. are the latest Bullshit Rap Video of the Week.

• Straight into shots of bitches. Why waste time?
• Bragging about your tall tee. Dope.
• How will Lil Boosie start his verse? If you guessed by spelling out "Boosie Bad Azz" on hoes' stomachs, you guessed right.
• Please note the little kid at the 2.08 mark, I hate my parents for not putting me in ghetto-fabulous music videos at a young age.
• Damn Webbie may outshine Lil Boosie's opening verse with his gem of: "Hot drop drop top top drop hoes drop it like its hot yea nigga im the shit." If I ever get married these are going to be my vows.
  
• Also props to Webbie for the lyrical masterpiece of: "And i don't use the Lifestyle or the Magnum or the Trojan i'll go head and use the barrel of the tech." Note: This will added to the end of my vows.
  

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 5/5
Bitches: 5/5 (I was very impressed by these hoes)
Grillin the camera: 4/5 (I threw in a few points for Foxx the side-profile grill)
Stacks of money: 10/5 (One, Lil Boosie having a stack in his mouth. Fucking Wow. Two, the little kid with the stacks at the end is precious)
Cadillacs: 3/5 (The Dodge Magnum with Lamborghini doors was nice)
Shots of your projects: 2/5 (Being in the club, projects it's all one in the same)
Guns: 0/5 (Guns would have been nice)
Drugs: 1/5 (They rhymed about purple enough)
Liquor: 0/5 (Buy the bar out already)
Bonus 20 points for WPM Lifetime Achievement Award for this:

and the first 40 seconds of this video

Total score: 50/45 (111%)

The highest score ever. Lil Boosie you are a Where's P-Mac legend. Hopefully once I get a baby mama and a kid you can teach me how to raise a child, because your parenting skills far surpass your rapping skills, which is saying, well, not that much really. Seriously though, Lil Boosie you are one of the greatest human beings ever.

A distant second but another video I wanted to recognize was Hurricane Chris' "A Bay Bay."

As always here is the chopped-n-screwed version of "Wipe me Down"

Killa gets publicists publicizing

I'd love to say that I've been too busy to update this site because of school, but that would be complete bullshit. Basically it's been a steady diet of NBA playoffs coupled with more 40s than Kurt Thomas' locker. Any ways lets get to some random shit.

1) I never realized until ABC pointed it out that this is the first playoff series the Bulls have won since Jordan crossed Bryon Russell with 6.6 left on the clock.

2) The rest of the hip-hop blog world covered the whole Cam'ron on 60 Minutes, which I talked about earlier. However I loved Cam's sincere words via his press release:

I can see how those comments could be viewed as offensive, especially to those who have suffered their own personal tragedies or to those who put their lives on the line to protect our citizens from crime

Yeah, that sounds just like the same man who said:

Stallion of the year, medallions in my ear
Whips on my fists, houses on my wrists
Your budget on my neck, your spouse on my dick
Posters on the wall, posted on my balls
Dick in her mouth, I tell her 'I'm getting money nigga'

3) If anyone knows of a good service that will throw some ads on this site, holla at me dun (c) Ben Stiller in this video.

4) While I was trying to find the video for Diddy's "Bad Boy for life," I found this. If nobody dances like this for me one day my whole life was for naught.

5) I used to watch Dan Majerle does shit all the time after Suns games when I worked at AWA. Now it's finally surfaced to the mainstream. Now people will believe me when I tell them that I saw him do that on the regular or that I once saw him stroke 11 threes in a row from about 35 feet out. In a suit and dress shoes.

You're my hero Thunder.

Killa gets the blogs bloggin

I can't believe I'm actually scooping StartSnitching on this, although to be fair he's been busy with the Virginia Tech ordeal, but here is the greatest video of all time. That is of course only until the other 59 minutes and 30 seconds of this airs.

Killa Cam talking about snitches on 60 Minutes. Thank you God. This will result in the single most incredible 3-and-a-half hour block of television in my life on Sunday night. Camron on 60 Minutes to Planet Earth to Entourage. How can anything in life ever top this?

Taking it to the next level

Even Slick Rick the Ruler only went halfway with it

I'm not even sure western civilization is able to comprehend what the R in R&B has brought to the table in his latest music video "I'm a flirt." R. Kelly went beyond the wearing of sunglasses inside a dark nightclub and put ice where no man has put ice before on the glass lenses. Put rhinestones on the lenses themselves? Brilliant (c) Guinness. I really hope that within my lifetime a rapper has one of, if not both eyeballs removed and replaced with some type of precious metal, preferably platinum, but anything diamond encrusted would suffice.
Here's R. Kelly 2.0 in action:

Should've taken notes from "Tip drill"

A bullshit rap video of the week, remember when this site used to have those. Me neither, since there hasn't been one in over a month. Where's P-Mac doesn't really fuck with any sense of time. But, let's honor the newest "star" outta St. Louis, Huey, whose "Pop, lock and drop it" has pissed me off every time I see it on TV.

• Starting your music-video career off like Britney Spears or Good Charlotte is a genius move, because hey both of their careers are still thriving right?
• Props for having a random Sonic waitress sitting in the classroom
• It's so incredible that the customized cars include a Cardinals team flag on the window. I really want to see more rappers start repping their city with lame team flags on their whips. (sidenote: Phil Jackson once called Lakers fans who had the flags on their cars, "flaggots." I plan on studying Zen soon)
• I really never have seen a rapper perform in an empty pool, if the dude was a real balla, he would have filled it with big-faced hundreds.
• A Jibbs cameo, the bullshit rap community sticks together
• Props for the always ghetto move of repping your single's title on a white-tee

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 2/5
Bitches: 4/5 (Too many dog hoes for my liking)
Grillin the camera: 3/5
Stacks of money: 0.5/5 (You gotta do more than allude to it being in your pocket)
Cadillacs: 4/5 (Stealing a CTS while the driver is in the barber, highly gangsta)
Shots of your projects: 0/5 (Huey you are from the hood, right?)
Guns: 0/5 (Come on Huey, you don't have to be an angry white boy to bring an A-K to high school, show 'em how 'g' you really are bring a Tek to the classroom)
Drugs: 0/5 (Again this is high school,a little hand-to-hand in the hallways never hurt anyone)
Liquor: 0/5
Total score: 13.5/45 (30%)

These bullshit rap video are either regressing or I'm just picking weak ones. None of them have cracked a 50% and this one got a 30%. Huey seriously Rev. Billy Graham could have directed a more gangsta video and he's a real Reverend. I really need to man-up and start directing my own videos. I want to become the the first University of Arizona grad to produce high-profile bullshit rap videos. Are there even internships for that? Someone get at me.

Finally the pièce de résistance of a bullshit rap video post: the chopped and screwed version of the "Pop, drop and lock it"

Things that are dope

1. This video:


Kanye's old-ass cousin a.k.a. Wise Kanye rocking the Jordan V's with a suit. Dope. A dead bear mouthing the words to "Throw some D's." Dope. The old broad signing the lyrics. Dope. The whole puppet show theme. Dope.


2. Jay-Z caking $204 million off Rocawear. Dope. In cash! Doper.

3. Rich Boy's self-tittled debut album. Surprisingly Dope. Polow Da Don did a real nice job on the production and Rich Boy's Mobile accent is fun for children of all ages. Guest appearances by David Banner and John Legend!! are dope. It's been out for a while, but the album includes the remix of "Throw some D's" with the odd squad of Andre 3000, Jim Jones, Murphy Lee (where the hell have you been?!) and The Game.

There are about 800 quotable lines on the album, but these are my favorite so far off a quick run through of the cd.

"If you're sucking my dick
you better swallow that shit
you young bitch
n*ggas still runnin they mouth... [sound of gun shots]"
---Touch that ass


"I’m Murphy Lee please tell your sexy little sister (I’ll call)
Last time she ask me for some money I was (Hell to the Naw )
But now I’m rich and she can get it
See these D’s match my fitted, My paint is Banana Splitted
Inside is totally ign’t, Outside is totally kiddin’
To be specific it's wicked, how them dirty boys get it
Dat Buick Regal (done did it)
My Montecarlo (‘s terrific)
That El Dorado (got switches)
Shamicka an’ them (I done hit it)
That 20 mill (I done spent it)
That house on the hill (I live it man)"
---Murphy Lee on the remix

Rich I owe you an apology, your music is actually brilliant.

Some good ol' muzik

Tum-Tum you are the lucky winner of Where's P-Mac's bullshit rap video of the week award. Tell us a little about yourself.
Taken and unedited from Tum-Tum's MySpace:
"Gd up.one of the realist niggaz out.A 350 nigga tryn 2 put dallas on the map and reps his click 2 the fullest.Tryn 2 tell the worl my point of view and my thoughts u might not like my thoughts but their mine and my opinions and how I feel and I could give a fuck about a rabbit ass rapper gettn mad over my shit."

Gangsta in the sense that he couldn't afford a PR person to make his MySpace so he took his third-grade education and wrote it himself. I'm pretty sure the people over at Ford might be the only ones to disagree with his opinions. Then again I doubt they even know this video exists.

I completely shocked this did not make Chevrolet's Superbowl commercial, which starred the TIP Harris of the hit movie, ATL fame.

Here's Caprice Muzik by Mr. Tum-Tum aka Tumzilla himself:

• Bench-pressing was cool when Doughboy was drinking 40-ounces on the front porch. It was still gangsta when Denzel played it crooked and rolled through the jungle. Tum Tum took it to another level by having hoes spot him as he benches. Gangsta, but not nearly the Capo Status that is doing push-ups with a ho on your back.
• If a song dedicated to Caprice Classics wasn't ghetto enough, the dominos secured the utter ghetto-ness of this video.
• I really hate the director, Mr. Boomtown's decision to shake the video with every drop of the bass. I guess that's why they call him Mr. Boomtown.
  
• Props to the little kid on the corner holding a Godzilla doll in one hand and chunking the duece with the other.
• "Beep. Beep. Who got the keys to the Caprice? Neeeruuuummm" If I was Missy Elliott I would break my Lamborgini-television-bed as soon as I heard that.
• "One bopper, two bopper, three bopper, four." No comment.
  
• Having every stripper and person from your hood come out to support the video and dance around some Chevys. You gotta respect the originality.

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 4.5/5
Bitches: 5/5
Grillin the camera: 4/5
Stacks of money: 0/5 (How you gonna put the D on the map with no scrilla)
Cadillacs: 3/5 (GMC makes the Caddy for a reason, step ya game up Tum-Tum)
Shots of your projects: 2/5
Guns: 0/5 (All the bench-pressing in the world can't stop a hot one)
Drugs: 0/5
Liquor: 0/5 (A little lean coul have helped)
Total Score: 18.5/45 (41.1 %)

Still not cracking a 50%, these bullshit rap videos need more guns, drugs and lean. Simple as that. Is it that hard to get a few prop guns, show a little yay and front with a few bottles. Am I asking too much? Come on now bullshit rappers, we deserve better.
I'm still not sure what is up with the fade-to-mullet thing Tum is rocking and I'm still too confused to further comment on it.

As always for those of you came here for the chopped-n-screwed version, I got ya.

Maybe Mims killed it

2007 is young but Where's P-Mac has an early contender for bullshit rap video of the year. Mims - "This is why I'm hot." It wasn't a smart move on Mims' part because releasing it this early might make me forget about it come the yearly awards. The one syllable rhymes put this song in a lower league than the 2006 sole nomination and winner of the Where's P-Mac bullshit rap video of the year, Rich Boy's "Throw some D's." Actually for all I know this song came out in 2006 and I just somehow missed it. I heard it for the first time on the radio and thought it was just a local rapper trying to be famous in the 520. When I saw it on BET's "106 & Park" today I knew it was destined to shine on Where's P-Mac. Actually after a quick Wikipedia, this song blew up in December 2006, fuck it just the same.

Watch the video, but I wouldn't recomend watching it more than once. It's one of the worst songs ever.

• Obviously your song is weak if the hook is 80 percent of track. When your song has one bar before returning to the hook it's also never a good start
• The fake Missy/Rah Digga in the beginning is uncalled for.
  
• "I could sell a mil/ saying nothing on the track" This man having the ability to possibly sell a mil could be this weeks sign of the Apocalypse.
  
• If I were to make a bullshit rap video I would most definitely call out every region of the nation. Calling out New York and playing "shook ones pt. II" is disgraceful to all of NY is enough. But to shout out the "dirty, dirty," then the Midwest, then the Bay Area and disgracing 40 Water, then LA and shame Dr. Dre, then go back to Chicago and make even Jesus hate you. That's pushing it, he should have just repped the whole Northern Hemisphere.
  
• Early candidate for 'supporting actor of the year in a bullshit rap video' goes to "Black" from "call my homie black, meet me on the ave" fame
  
• I try not to the back that back-pack rapper, mainly because I can't hate that hard. But it still really pisses me off that rappers are trying to steal Kid Robot.
  
• Riding in a Rolls Royce Phantom isn't all that baller any more. You got to at least ride in concept Maybachs like this.
  
• Having a dude bounce around a t-shirt with your name on it is never baller.
  

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 1/5
Bitches: 3.5/5
Grillin the camera: 3/5
Stacks of money: 0/5 (You do have money don't you? How will the audience know with only a glimpe of your stacks?)
Cadillacs: 2/5 (point for Range and Phantom)
Shots of your projects: 3/5
Guns: 0/5 (A little brandishing never hurt a rap video)
Drugs: 0/5
Liquor: 0/5 (Is it that hard to get a 40 out of your local bodega, that the essential bullshit rap video move)
Total Score: 12.5/45 (27.8 %)

Bold move for Mims to not even try to hide an inability to form a two-syllable rhyme behind a ghetto-fab video. Saying "This is why I'm hot" six times in a row to start the song is possibly the worst opening of any song. I can't even think of any song with such an atrocious opening.

Wikipedia had absolutely nothing to spot Mims some points. In fact the Mims in Florida with a population just above 9,000 is the number one Mims according to Wikipedia. Also Mims is apparently an acronym for "Music Is My Savior." Hopefully BIG and 'Pac spare his soul for embarrassing hip-hop.

Throwin D's To the...

Kanye's freestyle over Rich Boy's "Throw some D's." It's lacking the Polow da Don element, but Kanye throwing rims on model chicks just sounds right for one reason or another.

Bloggin' D's

Few things piss me off more than when people who don't listen to hip-hop hate on rap music. Mainly because it's incredibly hard to defend a genre that buries itself so many times. How the hell can anyone defend half of the hip-hop world. It is insane and completely ridiculous at times, but that's the same reason I love it. I'd like to now make no sense out of everything I just said and describe the greatness of watching bullshit rap videos and mocking hip-hop myself. Bullshit rap videos always bring a smile to my face because I know the director made the video with a checklist in-hand reading: rims, bitches, grillin the camera, stacks of money, Cadillacs, shots of your projects, guns, drugs, liquor. It's great that a new rapper will think he can rise to the top by doing something that has been done 23,901,234 times before. I would love to hear the logic behind making one of these videos. I guess they could use the ol' "it worked for him." It's beautiful that as long as there is rap music there will be some dude trying to come up by using the same format that's been done countless times before. That being said my bullshit rap video of the week goes to Rich Boy (a great original, rap name) and Polow da Don's (which I will name at least one of my kids because this name is that great) video for Throw Some D's.
This video is epic in so many ways, that I would like to break down a few. I'm sure people have their own interpretations of this deep video the same way you could interpret any great piece of art.

You can watch the video

because youtube is against throwing d's on blogs.

• The very start of the video shows a red Cadillac riding through the hood, a subtle foreshadowing of the theme of the video. Don't think I didn't catch that bullshit rap video director.
• Walking out of the house grabbing two stacks of scrilla because you never know when you are gonna need that much cash, essential to any rap video. (side note: if any rapper ever said, "I got stacks of scrilla taller than Brad Miller," I would forever hold that rapper to be the best lyricist of all time.
• Jumping straight into a hook that sounds chopped and screwed but really is just one of the worst worded rap hooks of all time. Genius. The hook which I had to look up:

  "Rich Boy sellin' crack dope niggas wanna jack shit tight no slack just bought a Cadillac THROW SOME D's ON THAT BITCH!"

• Rapping in a field in front of a rented car, never seen that before.
• Rapping while having cars drive sideways down the street, still never seen anything like that.
• "Candy paint gator skinned seats/ call me Dundee" classic line
• "Haters wish they could feel the wood in my '83/ Riding with no tint so the mothafuckas know it's me" classic line #2. Rich Boy I feel ya on that one, my 99 Altima don't got no tint neither.
  
• Rapping on top of a house with a crowd below you, more originality.
• Polow da Don spits his 16 with white hoes on his lap. Rap video affirmative action at its finest.
• Polow's verse about getting hoes' numbers and not calling them. Genius again, basically every verse in this classic and easy to relate to for anyone who has ever wanted to throw d's on their Cadillac.
• Who says this song is shallow, with this verse I feel Polow is trying express his plan to stop the war in Iraq and end global hunger with one fell swoop: "Every freak should have a picture of my dick on they walls"
• Bullshit rap video cliché #419: Spitting rhymes while driving your Cadillac with your three boys in the back tossing their hands up.
  
• Getting a haircut and rapping, unprecedented.
• Rich Boy breaking away from the trendy Yves Saint Laurent/Luis Vuitton sunglasses and going with the 1992 Terminator 2 Schwarzenegger shades is only creative thing in the whole video.
  

Bullshit rap video scale:
Rims: 5/5
Bitches: 2/5
Grillin the camera: 4/5
Stacks of money: 1/5
Cadillacs: 6/5
Shots of your projects: 5/5
Guns: 0/5
Drugs: 0/5
Liquor 1/5
Total Score: 24/45
Hmm. I thought this was a classic bullshit rap video, but according to the official Where's P-Mac scale for bullshit rap videos, this barely cracks a 50%. Maybe he made the video aiming for 24 points because thats his favorite size of dubs on his Cadillac. One would think with the depth of creativity that went into this video he could have somehow worked in some guns and drugs. Drugs and guns are both essential to not only making a great rap video but also putting your people in a better situation just like throwing d's on a Cadillac does.


This video is obviously classic on so many levels. I never knew Polow da Don was such a big name until I read he has worked with Jamie Foxx, The Pussycat Dolls, Fergie, Ludacris and others, although I got this from Wikipedia, so it's possibly Polow could have wrote that himself. Easily the greatest thing about Polow is the fact that he dropped out of Morehouse College after his first semester "to pursue his aspirations to be a rapper with the group Jim Crow." I gotta wonder how many people drop out of Morehouse to pursue rapping/producing careers.
Phonte from the group Little Brother had his own take on this song in his blog where he brings up that Throwing D's can fit any situation:

" "My computer just froze up."
THO SOME D'S ON THAT BITCH!

"The baby's crying."
THO SOME D'S ON THAT BITCH!

"The Dems took the house."
Good........NOW WE CAN THO SOME D'S ON THAT BITCH! "

For those of you thinking, "Well this blog was fairly amusing, but really I just came here hoping for a link to a chopped and screwed version of Throw some D's." Here you have it