Buzz Bissinger Interview

This is an interview I did with Buzz Bissinger for Gelf Magazine regarding his (and Bron's) new book "Shooting Stars."

In the real world Buzz is famous for his book "Friday Night Lights," which sold over 2 million copies and spawned a movie and TV show. In the sports blogosphere Buzz is famous for screaming at Will Leitch.

Personally I did not love "Shooting Stars" and I agreed with many of the points Henry Abbott raised on TrueHoop. When I was speaking to Buzz I slightly alluded to Abbott's article and then Buzz kinda went off.

"If Henry Abbott wants to go do it, let him go do it. Instead of suggesting all sorts of rhetorical questions for which he has no answer, he can go investigate it. All he does is raise rhetorical questions, which to me is not reporting or writing, but the very antithesis of both," Buzz said. Then he proceeded to talk to compare LeBron's biography to Ted Kennedy's. He falsely assumed I had some worldly knowledge outside of basketball and began talking about Chappaquiddick. I pretended like I knew what he was talking about, then after the interview I wiki-ed the shit out of Teddy Kennedy.

In all I was very happy with the interview and the way the article came out.

Enjoy...

Like many basketball fans, I've followed LeBron James since he was a sophomore in high school. I remember the Sports Illustrated cover. I remember the SLAM cover. I remember watching his St. Vincent-St. Mary squad take on Oak Hill on ESPN. I remember listening to Dick Vitale broadcast the game and bash everyone who was profiting off LeBron and knowing damn well that Vitale was not offering his services pro bono.

As a basketball junkie, I can tell you exactly where I was when LeBron was chosen with the first pick in the 2003 NBA Draft. Having never looked at LeBron's Wikipedia entry, I could probably recite 95 percent of its content off the top of my head. So I was curious what new information I would learn from reading LeBron and Buzz Bissinger's new book, Shooting Stars. Because the book tells LeBron's life story up to the point he graduated from high school, I expected to read about him being offered shady deals worth millions and cavorting around college campuses like Jesus Shuttlesworth. But there wasn't much in the way of new or revelatory information. As Bissinger—who knows how to write a story about high school sports—explains, Shooting Stars is not meant to be an all-inclusive LeBron James autobiography. At its core, it is a simple book about five kids, with the odds stacked against them, overcoming their fair share of adversity to win a state championship or three.

I spoke with Bissinger over the phone to talk about writing a book with King James, why it's not a work of investigative journalism, and how the sports culture in Akron compares to the one in Odessa, Texas. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Continue reading...

There was one bit of idiotic Justin Adler writing that my editor wisely cut from the article to make me look more mature and respectable than I am. But since this is my blog, I'll run the goofy paragraph:

I cannot say I disliked the book; it was entertaining. It was a literary version of methadone for my heroine-like addiction to the game. And what the fuck else am I going to do in the offseason. But I am a sucker for dirty, corrupt basketball scandals and one good World-Wide Wes story would have made the book exponentially better for me.

*Stupid photo of Bron at the top of the page is courtesy of BOP VI.

Jersey talk

This is a couple years old in internet time, but this is my favorite promotion in the history of sports. The Nets' "10 gets you 10!" promo pack gives 8 games (10 if you count match-ups against the Knicks and Clippers) and 5 of the greatest reversible jerseys of all time.

I'm a pretty big NBA fan, which means I watched almost every playoff game and waited in line for 6 hours to get tickets to the NBA Draft. But I still had no idea who #22 on the Nets was. According to their roster (oddly sponsored by Haier) it's Jarvis Hayes, who averaged 8.7 points for the Nets last year. He's also now my favorite Net since his jersey is one half of the Lebron James jersey included in the package.

There are also these new Portland jerseys which are amazing and hideous at the same time. They are right behind Brandon Jennings' 3 Milwaukee jerseys on my list of "Authentic jerseys I talk about buying every day but will never actually buy."

Qs and Z-Bos and lists

A few nights ago I remember spending that period of semi-consciousness between masturbation and sleep researching the Z-Bo/Q-Rich trade that sent Q-Rich back to the Clippers. I'm not sure why this crossed my mind at that particular time, but I remember falling asleep very worried that Alex Acker would not come off the #3 (I don't even know who the fuck Alex Acker is but he is listed on the Clips roster wearing the #3).

I never thought about Q returning to LA again until today when Q-Rich was traded for the third time! this summer for my boy Bassy and some white dudes (I'm not sure who Craig Smith is, but he sounds white).

This is why I like Q-Rich so much:

0. The retard-alien head-bop celebration

1. He played at DePaul with Paul McPherson

2. He is a local Chicago dude

3. His dad drove the L Train even after Q-Rich made the NBA

4. Both his brothers were shot and killed within a two-year span (I'm not sure why this is a reason I like Q, but I find it interesting)

5. He was engaged to Brandy

6. At some point he stopped being engaged to Brandy

7. I once witnessed this exchange:

Q-Rich to his son: "Show Uncle D. Miles what you do after you score"

Q-Rich's son: does retard-alien head-bop

D-Miles and Brandy: faces light up with sincere pride

8. He is a Jordan Brand athlete

This is why I like Sebastian Telfair:

1. He's Steph's cousin

2. He's from Coney Island

3. The movie "Through the Fire"

4. He got caught trying to carry a gun on an airplane in a pillow

5. He was bringing his own pillow with him

6. It was later rumored that he was carrying the gun because he was afraid of his own teammate Zach Randolph

7. This SLAM cover

I'm really happy that somehow this summer Q-Rich, Bassy and Z-Bo were all involved in trades for each other. And I really hope Q-Rich is traded three more times before the season starts and I hope at least one of the teams involved is an Arena Football League team.

By the way next time you see Tarny congratulate him on obtaining his WA license plate (below) that just so happens to be blessed with ZBO and the amount of strippers Z-Bo tried to rape while in Portland. Congrats Tar, we're all so proud of you.

Other things I am interested in:

- For no reason at all I am way too happy about Demar Derozan playing for the Raptors. Maybe it's because it was my dream to grow up in the CPT, get paid a lot of money and bang a lot of girls while playing for USC and then play in a really trill market.

- This Melo wallpaper is too sick. Click to enlarge below.

- I love that whatever Griffin not named Blake the Suns drafted in the second round is now wearing #32.

- I was really, really, really, really hoping Ron Artest would have chose #8 when he signed to the Lakers.

- Still not sure why my boy Channing Frye is gonna rock #8 for the Suns. 44 is retired for Westphal, but 45 is open and I coulda swore 8 was retired for DJ Strawberry.

Monday and Tuesday

For the life of an unemployed recent college grad who decided it would be smart to move to the world's eighth most expensive city during our nation's worst economic crisis to date, Monday was about as good as it gets.

Like any other day I woke up before nine, just to give myself a feeling that something might get done before 11. Even though I really had nothing to do besides apply for jobs, it makes me feel slightly better about myself to not sleep in past 10 a.m.

At around noon I decided I'd had enough or perusing Craigslist and waiting for Deadspin to update so I decided to hit the streets.

I explored the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. Shop, which was quite fascinating. Then made it Premium Goods, which is a just silly streetwear store, but I finally got an answer as to who designed the "Brooklyn" logo that's on 9 million tees and hats in the city. The answer, or so I was told: Vinnie's Styles.

Then I journeyed through Red Hook to Ikea carrying a 24-inch steel rod from Lowes in my backpack Zelda style in case anyone wanted war. The steel rod was for a ceiling fan that my roommates and I bought a month ago, which we may or may not ever get around to actually installing.

I also stumbled upon this store selling this nasty jersey:

After a long trek I finally made it to the promised land and bought two $0.50 hot dogs. While consuming the dogs I listened to an amazing Fresh Air show with Charles Siebert, where he discussed his book The Wauchula Woods Accord. The book is about a chimpanzee retirement center where famous chimps who are trained for movies and television hang out after their carreers end. Listening to Siebert and Terry Gross discuss "humanzees" while eating two hot dogs was probably the highlight of my week and arguably month.

After touring Ikea I bought two more hot dogs and an icecream cone, then caught the free Ikea water taxi out of my way to Manhattan. But the ride was rather enjoyable.

Yesterday I did absolutely nothing besides draft half this blog and play two hours of basketball in the park. But my team did win twice and I threw one of the sickest passes in my life, so I felt like I kinda accomplished something.

------------------------

Basketball things:

In case you actually have a job and/or life and have not been following NBA summer league way too closely here is what you need to know:

Brandon Jennings second game stats: 23 points, 8 assists, 5 steals.

Brandon Jennings third game stats: 13 points, 14 assists, 7 steals.

The Bucks are 3-0.

There is also this new Jennings highlight real of old footage.

Not that you should give a fuck but Chase Budinger dropped 25 in his second game. Fuck him.

Former Duck Maarty "Six a's short of Raaaaaaaandy" Leunen is on the Rockets roster even if his last name is spelt wrong on his jersey.

Even though T-Mac is now helping Darfur can we still hate him? Of course because T-Mac is still a bitch who never made the second round of the playoffs. /hate

Blog marked up

Normally when I post a bunch of pictures the general reaction of my friends is "that was pretty gay," except in a more hateful tone. The only person who has ever said anything nice about my photos was the man who helped me find P-Mac, Marquitos, who told me they were "Buenas fotos." But for all I know that could have been Argentine sarcasm that I did not pick up.

Below are some photos, some are mine, some are not.

This is a photo from Hewes stop at the JM line. It was pouring rain and I was soaking wet, which made a 5-hour bus ride to Boston that much worse, but I liked this picture.

This photo was stolen from the open casting call for Phoenix-MC Willy Northpole's "Body Marked Up" music video. I thought for a minute on how I could describe such an incredible tattoo, but the comment below the picture on MySpace said it best, "Damb dat shit is fukn tite..." Indeed.


I've said this about others before, but Willy Northpole is the greatest human ever. Aside from DMX on rollerskates, Willy is the only person who can make me homesick. Even though my current city may have had a little to do with hip-hop and the local guys ain't too bad either, but they don't strike that same chord that Willy does. When Willy says "Arizona stand the fuck up" and rhymes about putting a du-rag on a cactus, it just means so much.

Since Fake Rick Reilly and Brandon Jennings are Twitter casualties, Willy Northpole is currently my favorite tweeter, with 140-character gems like:

YO NIGGAS HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX WITH A GIRL AND SHE START CRYING THINKING ABOUT SOMETHN AINT THAT THE WORSE SHIT i just keep going lol

I LET ALOT CHICKS GO THAT a fuck nigga would probably marry.. with me shit just gotta be right fuck looks i mean she has to be cute but ...

SO IF YOU HAD THE NUMBER CHICK IN THE ASS WAIST, FINE BREADED UP OPRAH STATUS BUT SHE HAD ONE TITTY LOL ill hold that titty with pride!lol

No I have not listened to all of Willy's new cd and I probably never will, it's just that good.

This is a photo I took off my roof of some weird clouds.

This is an old photo from SLAM that makes me hate LeBron James.

This is where I spent the 4th of July. Rhode Island is the truth.


Some nice views.


I don't really drink hard liquor, but it was essential to the picture.


Flipside views


This photo makes me love Melo, but hate myself for having all this time on my hands and still not watching every episode of The Wire.

Draft Day/Sad Day 2009

Here is the 2009 WPM NBA Draft review:

• After a ridiculously long middle-of-the-night commute, I arrived at the Garden just before 6 a.m. I was unsure how early I should arrive before the tickets went on sale at 11 a.m., so I figured showing up a good five hours early would be playing it safe. I had been looking forward to attending the draft ever since I thought about moving to NYC, so I was set on doing whatever it took to attend the draft.

• There were already a good 40 people in front of me, including one kid rocking an authentic DKV Joventut Ricky jersey.

• I have never once had a nightmare where I walked naked into a public setting, but showing up to the NBA draft without a jersey was like living that nightmare for five hours. I have never felt so naked and I will never forgive myself for not bringing my D. Miles Cleveland Jersey to NYC. It would have killed.

• It was rather serene to be on the streets at such an early hour. Except there was a homeless guy 10 feet away from the line who was either rehearsing his soliloquy of Billy Madison speaking gibberish or he was just stung the fuck out. He went on for a good 30 minutes incoherently yelling at a light pole. I respected his dedication to his craft.

• There was a white guy rocking an Iguodala Sixers jersey backwards, which I believe means he's a Sixers fan in distress. Where as if you are a black guy wearing a jersey backwards it means you are Nelly in the "Tip Drill" video.

• Other dope jerseys I saw in the line: A Warriors Spree jersey, An NYC Spree jersey (I can't tell you how much I hate Gallinari fake Spree jerseys), a NYC Jamal Crawford jersey, about 500 Patrick Ewing jerseys, a dirty Bobcats warm-up jersey, and a dirtier Spanish national team Ricky jersey.

• There is a banner that hangs inside the Garden's entrance that commemorate The Liberty's (NYC's WNBA team) first home game, in which they defeated the Mercury (Phoenix's WNBA team). That one still hurts.

• I still don't understand what color the Mercury wore in their inaugural season.

• The five-hour wait was saved by a nice camping chair, a good book and a bag of pretzels. I was also entertained by the kids in front of me who spent two hours passing a notepad back and forth writing their own mock draft. It was pretty solid as every pick ended with the phrase "via trade."

• I was also allowed ample time to contemplate the absurdity of the situation. Fans will pay thousands of dollars to watch a guy throw a ball into a metal rim, hit a ball with stick of wood or any other sport you want to break down to the simplest level. But I am calling in sick to work and waiting in line for over five hours to watch kids the age of my younger brother walk across a stage and shake an old Jewish dude's hand.

• Guys from the Knicks PR street team began passing out Knicks towels and postcards encouraging fans to buy season tickets. Since there currently is no real face of the Knicks, the card had a picture from inside the Garden of the Knicks playing the Nets with the scoreboard showing the Knicks down 65-52.

• Eventually after more than five hours of waiting, which involved a fair amount of anxiety that I would not even be able to buy tickets, I got the golden ticket (15 bucks and in 6 rows deep in he highest section of the theater) and I went home to take a victory nap.

• I was awoken once from my slumber by a call from work, which I promptly ignored. Ten minutes later work called again. This time I picked up thinking they would have some trivial question to ask me. I was wrong. They called to tell me I was fired. After ending the call I began to lose my mind quite a bit. How could they do this to me on my special day and less importantly how could they do this to me on Brandon Jennings' special day.

Actually Brandon Jennings was completely removed from my mind as I began pacing back and forth in the hallway trying to calm myself down and not dwell on the shittiness of unemployment of the past and present.

Granted it was a lame office job that I hated and the pay was comically low, but it was still an income none the less. And it was a blatant attempt to try to destroy a day I had been looking forward to for years.

• I carried on with my day and returned to the Garden an hour before the draft. I sold my extra ticket for $30, which paid for my ticket and netted me an extra 15 bones, almost making up for the lost job. I tried to get a lot more for the ticket, but the market just was not there and another scalper eloquently put it, "This draft is dead, n***** don't wanna see this shit."

• Then my friend told me Michael Jackson died. More sadness.

• Finally I got in the WaMu Theater and 30 minutes later Mr. Stern took the mic and the draft began.

• 1 - The only thing worth noting from the No. 1 pick was that I did not know Tricky Ricky was on the Clippers. The same Ricky Davis who once tried to cheat his way to a triple double.

• 2 - There was a guy wearing a black Griz Darko jersey which was trill enough as it is. But he went the extra mile and safety-pinned a paper reading "Thabeet" on the back over Milicic.

• 3 - I'm actually a big James Harden fan even though I refuse to accept the Thunder (who get nastier by the minute) as a real team. His was also killing it with his suit.

• 4 - I'd guess that we are only 30 days away from learning that Tyreke never even took his SATs to get into Memphis.

• 5 - The Wolves had no choice but to pick Rubio here, even if he refuses to play for Minny.

• 6 - I was really hoping the Wolves would pick Brandon just so they could have the two in same backcourt, but they did something just as silly and picked Jonny Flynn.

• 7- When the Warriors stole Stephen Curry off the board I would describe the atmosphere inside the theater as somewhere between 9/11 and Michael Jackson's death. Word to Ochocinco.

• 8 - I think Stern just finished enunciating the J in Jordan Hill's name when Knicks fans began to boo. I booed with them because why the fuck not? When asked what I thought about Hill by a Knicks fan, I told him that Hill was a dumber A'm'ar'e Stoudemire, if that is possible. Side note: I sat in the Suns war room for the 2006 NBA Draft. I still have the official media guide which lists the top 300 players eligible for the 2006 Draft. That media guide does not include Renaldo Balkman, who the Knicks chose with their 20th pick in the '06 Draft. Few can fuck up drafts like the Knicks.

• 9 - Including Demar Derozan, I have seen 6 of the first 13 picks play in person, in case you were curious.

• 10 - Brandon Jennings. Finally the moment I have been waiting my entire life for. And he is not in the fucking building. Can this day get any fucking worse. I waited five hours in line just to say I was there when Brandon was drafted and see some ridiculous Italian suit and the motherfucker does not even show up. I am seriously depressed at this point.

• 11 through 13 - Don't matter. I sit alone in the Theater and want to cry. I plan on waiting for the Suns to fuck up the 14th pick and then bounce.

• 14 - "With the 14th pick in the 2009 NBA Draft the Phoenix Suns select Earl Clark from the University of Louisville, Clark is not in attendance tonight. (Pause) But... The Milwaukee Bucks' pick Brandon Jennings is now here," Stern declares. And like a little kid on Christmas my eyes light up and a big smile returns to my face. Brandon awkwardly comes out from behind the stage and blows kisses to the crowd and then gives a belated handshake to the Commish.

• Then the No. 13 pick Tyler Hansbrough exits through aisle next to the lunatic fans I am sitting with. Most other players receive warm cheers and high fives as they exit, but not Hansbrough. Everyone boos Psycho T as he walks by. The kid next to me, who was no bigger than me (5'9," 145) gets within 8 inches of Hansbrough's face and screams "Faggot!" at Hansbrough (6'9," 250). Many others join in and begin to loudly question his sexuality. Then one kid, appropriately enough wearing a Knicks Starbury jersey, knocks Hansbrough's draft cap off his head. He is quickly apprehended by security and escorted out of the building to chants of "MVP!" and we all offer him high fives in support of his bold act of bravery.

Brandon Jennings quickly follows and I give him a high five. Sure I don't have a job, paying rent is going to be a struggle soon and Brandon Jennings, 3 years my younger, just secured himself a contract for a couple more million on top of the $2 million he earned in Italy; but for that second all seemed right in the world.

• For the record I don't know shit about Earl Clark and I don't really care. Also when Hansbrough was drafted one fan behind me began chanting "Austin Croshere!" unfortunately nobody picked up on it.

• I was excited for the Suns to bomb the upcoming season with hopes of getting John Wall next year... Until Gould reminded me that the Suns gave away their 2010 first-round unprotected pick along with Kurt Thomas for a conditional second round pick. Enjoy that top five pick next year OKC.

• I later bumped into Bruce Pascoe, gotta respect your local Tucson beat writers.

• I bounced around the theater some more and ran into the Jennings clan. I saw a skinny kid in a nice suit with the Bucks draft cap. I yelled Brandon at him twice until I realized it was a his little brother Terrence, who if you don't know is the coolest kid in the universe and you would expect far too cool to remember meeting me multiple times before.

• A group of fans waved an Israeli flag and celebrated when Israel-born Omri Casspi was selected. Later I saw a guy wearing a shirt reading "Palestine Spyders," I would have like to see his reaction to Casspi's selection.

• The remaining fans began chanting "Jeff Van Gundy" until the former Knicks coach and current ESPN announcer acknowledged them, to which they responded with cheers. They repeated the process with Mark Jackson. And they began chanting "Bilas sucks!" God bless draft fans.

• I finally saw one of my journalism heroes Lang Whitaker in the flesh. I shouted "Hey Lang!" at him and he turned around from the media section. I told him I was a long-time Linkstigator and he gave me solid finger point of respect. If you guys understood how long and how much I have read of Lang's work you would understand how amazing that is.

• I was really, really upset that I did not run into the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen. That guy is one of my personal heroes, but on a lesser scale than Lang Whitaker.

• I stayed for the first few picks of the second round just to see the NBA Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver, who was greeted to chants of "We want Russ," in reference to Russ Granik, the former Deputy Commissioner, who announced the second round until 2006. I hope you all can appreciate how insanely hardcore these fans were.

• I left the draft in a decent mood, still a little messed up over losing my job. But if I learned anything on the day, it's that going to the draft is not about having a good time. For New Yorkers its about having your GM pick a brain-dead, raw power-forward in hopes that he will compliment a superstar you probably won't be able to sign in 2010; and leaving the theater furious as a result. And for the rest of us, it's seeing one young kid after another make more money in a night than most of us will ever see in a lifetime.

• Here are some pics I took on the day:

Young Money now a Buck.


Hansbrough before he was de-capped.

This lady was quite bizarre.


Uhhhhhhh.

In Gary Payton bowling alley

Today's post is a quick detour from WPM's scheduled programing. Since wherespmac.com was once all about NBA All-Star weekend, I thought it would be fitting to throw some sort of all-star coverage in, especially since the festivities are in my temporary hometown.

I didn't have the money or connections to go to any legitimate all-star games, so my friend Gould and I decided to go to the NBA Jam Session which was available to the public.

The following is a run down of the evening.

5:00 Hit Subway for cheap, allegedly healthy sustenance. The guy behind the counter appears to hate his life more than Delonte West. He is a complete jerk to everyone in the restaurant, myself included. Then Gould points out that perhaps the sandwich artist is probably jealous that he is not wearing a Darius Miles Cavaliers jersey like myself.

6:00 After our first use of Phoenix's new light rail system Gould and I make it down town and get the wrong line for the Jam Session event. We do see this guy though, so our five minutes were not completely wasted.

6:15 Enter Jam Session and within five minutes we realize it's even gayer than we had suspected. We walk up to the autograph section, even though Gould and I have no desire to obtain any NBA autographs. We come up with a list of actual NBA players we would want autographs from.

1. Stephon Marbury

2. Darius Miles

3. J.R. Smith

4. Chris "Birdman" Andersen

5. Bobby Phills

6. Malik Sealy

7. Bison Dele

6:20 We make it up the 300 escalators to find Suns "players" Jared Dudley and Louis Amundson (I never knew this guy's name I just called him Number 17 all season) signing autographs. There is actually a line of people waiting for their autographs, which I knew nobody would believe so I took a picture.


6:30 We walk downstairs and find 100 booths each with six different sponsors each offering some garbage paraphernalia if you participate in their lame event. Let's see, I could get a T-Mobile shirt if I wait in a long line to shoot a free throw. Or I could get an EA Sports headband if I wait in a long line to play a video game. Neither seemed that appealing.

Each booth also had their own DJ blasting Urban top 40 music while screaming generic hip-hop phrases over the music. "IS THE EAST COAST IN THE HOUSE?!" "OH YEAH I SEE YOU BOY!" "MAKE SOME NOISE!"

6:45 Gould and I find the saving moment of the night. The NBA TV booth, where Gary Payton is scheduled to sign autographs at 7:00. Thank you God. Gary Payton, Chris Webber and Ahmad Rashad all lead the greatest sports show on television. The features little to no actual NBA analysis and instead features GP and C-Webb busting on various NBA players for 15 minutes at a time. English is only spoken for 45 seconds during the 30-minute broadcast and even professional linguists have no idea what language GP and C-Webb speak.

6:50 We get in line after getting in trouble for using the NBA TV demo computers to look at wherespmac.com. Apparently our computer was linked to a huge plasma that showed exactly what we were looking at. Some prick comes over, takes the computer from us and sarcastically says, "Thanks a lot guys." I thank him back because I try to always be kind to my fans.

6:55 We are five minutes away from meeting GP. Just an incredible moment in both our lives.

7:05 We meet GP. He begins signing an NBA TV postcard. We cut him off and tell him we don't need his autograph (he was not on our list). He is happy not to sign another bullshit piece of paper.

"You and C-Webb are always killin' it," Gould says as he shakes his hand.

We ask for a picture (greatness shown above).

"Do you and E-40 still hang out," I ask. E-40 is one of my favorite rappers ever and Gary Payton is name-dropped and shown in the video for one of the greatest songs ever.

"As a matter of fact me and 40 hung out last night," GP casually responds, in what is now the best line in the history of communication.

"Where's Ahmad at?" I ask. If you don't know Ahmad Rashad is an NBA "analyst" who has continually been on television since the mid-90s; despite the fact he contributes nothing to any broadcast other than anecdotes of him hanging out with Michael Jordan.

GP tells me Ahmad is busy now, but will be here in a little bit.

"Oh I thought he was in the back sucking off Michael Jordan," I quipped.

GP looks at me funny for a second and then busts up laughing. And as everyone knows every time Gary Payton laughs 20 angels get their wings.

7:15 We head back upstairs to watch the D-League Dream Factory, where James White was scheduled to be in the D-League dunk contest. Unfortunately the preliminary activities were so pathetic and unbearable that Gould and I had to leave.

8:00 On the way home Gould and I hit Subway for round two of cheap, allegedly healthy sustenance. In the car ride back to his place Gould makes some evasive street maneuvers forcing me to spill my Dr. Pepper all over me and my precious D. Miles jersey, fortunately my seat beat caught the majority of the soda. And that my friends is why you wear seat belts.

Odds and ends

Can we just give this man the White House already? If the Heisman wasn't enough, check ESPN's special on Air Jordans. ESPN interviews experts like Jordan Brand designer Tinker Hatfield, famed director Spike Lee, former SLAM editor-at-large Scoop Jackson and Barack Obama.

In case you're curious, all I am looking for in president is a young, basketball-playing, Desmond Howard posing, Jordan wearing man.

On to other people who will greatly affect my life in 2009, not bad stats for future-Cat Brandon Jennings.

Meanwhile former Cat Mustafa Shakur seems to be having the time of his life in Poland.

"Um...Mr. Livengood, Could I...have that money...back? I accidentally choked this guy unconscious and I need pretty much everything I got for my lawyers right now."

There's really no better way to style your hair than having fresh Shane Battier cornrows smoothly transition into a mohawk.

Way old news, but something I completely missed in 2007 was UPS removing left-turns from their delivery routes. This just blows my mind for some reason.

Back to the present, I really like what Stanford is doing off the gymnastics mat.

I'm contemplating planning a trip to New York just to see some Asian gun powder art and have my mind blown by this exhibit.

Yes I do feel much better about myself after killing 30 minutes on the New York Times version of YouTube compared to the real YouTube.

If Mos Def didn't produce "Black on both sides" and he wasn't one half of Blackstar, I would have a lot of questions for the man. The first being why are you acting in a movie where you work in a VHS cassette rental shop with your buddy being an accidentally-magnetized Jack Black, who accidentally erases all the cassettes in the shop.

Tell 'em why you mad son

I always wondered how Darius Miles looked in the mirror every day. Having throwm away all the potential in the world, it seemed like he had the whole world in his hands back in the Clippers M.O.B. days. Him and Q-Rich were too ill with their silly head bop and Gangstarr laced Jordan commercials. For a second they had people believing there were two basketball teams in LA.

Thankfully John Canzano of the Oregonian ripped the shit out of Miles with this godly article and explained how Miles is completely complacent where he's at. A definite must-read, as any article that begins with Darius Miles and Dennis Dixon together in a strip club is.

Even though D. Miles is one of the biggest idiots in a league where they come a dime a dozen, I'll always respect him simply for the fact that when he got hurt on the Blazers, the next day he went to downtown Portland and bought 50 different suits, just so he would have a new suit to wear for every game.

It seems like every team doctor in the league always says, "(insert your favorite player) will return from his injury quicker than expected because of how incredibly fit he is and how determined he is to get back on the court."

Not Darius Miles, he's content wearing suits on the sideline (most of the time) and cashing his check on the 1st and 15th.

Random:
As if the New York Times recent articles revealing how it's easier to quit crystal meth than Facebook weren't bad enough. This old video should provide a little bit more of paranoia.

Vimeo.com is like YouTube from the future. All the videos are near HD or actually in HD.

Quotes, ASG, UO

All Zona coverage will resume in due time...

Quotes of the week:

Ballard on Shaq trade:
"Did he come here because he's a big Coyotes fan?" Coyotes defenseman Keith Ballard said. "I think we heard that. I follow basketball a little, not too much, but (I like) having him here and Amaré Stoudemire, two big guys.

"I want to go to a Suns game. I tried to go last year to see the Suns and Lakers, and they couldn't get me tickets. We'll give them hockey tickets. We'll give them 100 of them. We're another professional team ... reciprocity." (via azcentral)

Jordan Hill's bold claim before the Stanford game:
"Guarantee," Hill said when given a chance to retract his statement. "We've (beaten) two top-10 teams at home, so we can't let up now, we've got to keep on now.

"I guarantee we're going to get it." (via Schwartz's reporting)

Coach O'Neill's reaction to Hill's guarantee:
"God, almighty.'' (via Daily Star)

(The Cats ended up losing the game)

WPM on ASG Sat Night:

David Stern killed the whole thing before it even started by nixing D12's idea to raise the hoop to 12 feet, this despite Rudy Gay and Gerald Green being down with a 12 or 13-foot hoop. This would have made the contest insane.

Actually the dunk contest was over before it started since, it didn't feature LeBron, Kobe, Vince or J-Rich...or James White.

Instead we were treated to another decent dunk contest in which Magic Johnson and Kenny Smith scream "The dunk contest is back! It's back!" over a mediocre performance. Yeah Dwight Howard's "Superman" "dunk," yes that "dunk" needs to be in quotes, was pretty cool especially in the freeze-frame shot, but it wasn't "Oh my god! Is that humanly possible?!" cool.

My favorite dunk of the night was Gerald Green's "Birthday Cake" dunk, it wasn't that physically difficult, but I just loved the creativity. Green averages 5 points and 12 minutes a game for the second-to-worst team in the league, needless to say on-court productivity isn't really his focus. You gotta to love that he probably spent the last month getting high with Rashad McCants eating a million pastries trying to think of creative dunks until it finally hit them.

Why not put a cupcake on the back iron? Brilliant.

Rashad pulling it out of the pastry box was another well-thought out touch.

Also Rudy Gay, what the fuck happened? You were the sickest dunker throughout the season and then you pull some uninspired bullshit, despite pleading to all the YouTubers to submit dunk ideas.

Also, this is old as fuck, but the ending audio is priceless.

Wouldn't be complete without Oregon:

The Nike designers who decided to make the new Oregon basketball kits with the names stitched on the back in the same color as the jerseys deserve some kind of award. Coldest jerseys I've seen since Oregon football season. You literally couldn't read the names unless the camera was focused just right on the jerseys.

Can you dig it?!

No, not really. Definitely not now at least.

(not my genius, credit Niketalk)

Yesterday as Shaq to Phoenix rumors started swirling, I thought nothing of it. There is no way Shaq is coming to Phoenix, If the Suns couldn't pull KG, who was begging to come to Phoenix, how are we going to now get Shaq. More importantly why the fuck would we want Shaq. It's not the early 00s or whatever you call the period from 2000-2005, it's 2008. Last time I checked Shaq was a shell of his former self, on the injured list and on the worst team (9-37) in the league.

Last night I was still in a delusional state hoping this was another retarded trade deadline rumor a la the rumor of Portland giving up Jarrett Jack, Travis Outlaw and Channing Frye for Devin Harris in a Jason Kidd trade. I joked I'd rather trade Shawn Marion straight up for Devin Harris for two reasons: one, Devin Harris is not 52 years old, two, he is not owed $40 million over the next two years (that one is not an exaggeration).

More of angry, pissed off Justin's thoughts:

We might as well see if we can trade for a 2001 version of Allan Houston, so we can officially have the worst bang for the buck of all time. Seriously though, worst case scenario, the Suns can Allan Houston Rule Shaq.

If we are going to trade our second-best player, I'd rather have anybody not named Kwame instead of Shaq.

As much of a constant bitch Shawn Marion, he still fit the Suns offense better than anybody in the league, period.

Why not just keep Kurt Thomas, who the Suns traded to Seattle to save a little over $8 million. Seriously Kurt averaged 4.6 points and 5.7 boards in 67 games for the Suns last year. This season he's 7.3 and 8.9 and has played 38 games for the Sonics. Shaq put up 17.3 and 7.4 in only 40 games for the Heat in '07 and was averaging 14.2 and 7.8 in 32 games for the Heat this season. Yes Shaq's numbers are better but are they $12 a season better?

What the fuck is Steve Kerr doing?!

Justin's coping-with-it thoughts on the Shaq trade:

First and foremost, Shawn, you were never happy being an all-star, playing along side two all-stars on a championship caliber team, while getting paid a max contract. You're now on the worst team in the NBA, a team which already lost 15 straight games this season. Suck a dick and a half bitch (c) E-40.

Honestly we were never going to win a championship with the team we had, not unless the rest of the west caught the Black Plague, any change is good, I guess.

It is Shaq, at least he'll be entertaining.

Maybe proving the world wrong and keeping Kobe from ever getting another ring will be all the motivation he needs.

We no longer have Marcus Banks. That's just great.


In other horrible basketball news, Where's P-Mac's prodigal son, Nic Wise may be out for the season after knee surgery to repair a torn meniscus. This sucks in more ways than I'm able to comprehend right now, the only silver lining is Nic's Facebook status which reads: "Nic Wise Had surgery. P.S. USC & UCLA i gave you buckets with a torn meniscus."

On a positive note, if you follow Philly women's prep hoops like I do this article is a must-read. Or if you just want to learn about the Tarnowski hoops history.

Just use the barrel of the tech

The future of SC

The red-hot Wildcats at the red-hot Trojans. Just how excited was I for this game? Well I completely ignored the Lost season premiere, so I was pretty fucking zoned in on this game.

• Early on SC is stroking tough shot after tough shot. A really impressive shooting display, too bad I'm actually going for Zona.
• 10:30 Bayless' alley-oop was clean. Almost as clean as the camera man zooming in on his Nike Air Zoom BBs.
• Throughout the season there have been spurts where I have forgotten Jawann was even on the team. Part of it has to do with all the attention focused on Budinger and Bayless, but the other part is because Jawann has the quietest game of any of the starters. He does a million and one things for UA, but half the time it's easy to forget he is even on the floor. It was great to see him hit three 3s in the first 8 minutes of the game.
• It's amazing that O.J. Mayo is simply beasting on Bayless and the Cats are still winning.
• Jawann McClellan, again God bless. The blocks, the put-backs, the all-out hustle. A great senior basketball player. You're a hero. No I don't think I have ever said anything this nice about a Wildcat not named Nic Wise.
• When they panned to Alex Jacobsen on the bench it literally took me 20 seconds to realize who it was. Alex looks like a stunt double for Kirk Walters, who is little more than a stunt double for incompetence.
• I love the way the announcers are giving love to Oregon's Pit Crew, by far the most g'd up student section in the Pac-10, if not nation. I've been meaning to note the briliance of the Pit Crew's last listserv e-mail for the UCLA game which had this genius passage:
• As most of you know, Lake Oswego's Lamest, Kevin Love, will be making his return trip to Oregon. His father, who once played basketball at Oregon, had the following to say about Ernie Kent after Kevin chose UCLA, "It wasn't us that blew it, they blew it. They destroyed that program." If placing four first round draft picks in the NBA is blowing it, I guess coach Kent has done just that during his tenure. Stan has been very critical of the program and the University he graduated from in the past few years. Lets greet these two with the welcome they deserve, and let Stan know that he's no longer a Duck; he's a traitor. Thursday's game is Nationally televised and will be broadcast on Fox Sports Network at 7:30. If you have time, give Kevin a call, text, or send him a picture; his cell phone number is 503-961-3265...and don't forget ucla is an Adidas school.
• Also props to FSN for two straight Bob Elliott-less broadcasts. I hope he caught whatever Dickie V had or just got finally got carpal tunnel from filling the screen with worthless telestration.
• Final: 80-69, Zona. Budinger 29 and 8 boards, McClellan 23 and 8 boards, O.J. Mayo 23, 4 dimes, and 5 boards.

Sneaker Watch: I am in love with all of SC's Air Zoom BBs. Shame on UA for not wearing black shoes on the road, what the fuck is going on?

Other stuff not related to the game:

Greatest moment in Al Jefferson history:

Looks as if Al Jefferson is just as quick with his wit as he is on his feet.

When Kevin Garnett emphatically reminded Jefferson of his all-star selections - "11 years! 11 years!" - Jefferson replied with something that Garnett couldn't top.

"I told him we both have one thing in common - no championships," Jefferson said. "He didn't like that too much."

If I, God forbid, was a Nets fan this would worry me a lot more than Jason Kidd skipping town. Dancing to Soulja Boy, very suspect. Dancing to Soulja Boy with all dudes, mad suspect.

RBK's train of thought...hmm...black people like sneakers, black people like Kool-Aid...Brilliant! It's like they got Mitt Romney doing the R&D.

I watched only a little of tonight's Democratic debate because this already made up my mind, but I saw enough to see that Jason Alexander was in attendance. Why didn't George get to ask any questions?

Who needs a second round?

When you have Camp Chen-A-Wanda. This video must be watched in its entirety to fully appreciate how awesomely bizarre it is. I'd like to personally thank the YouTube gods for this one.

Not that anything will compare to that video, but here's some other odds and ends...

Even though this is complete bullshit and just fucking retarded, I need the Heat to win the 52-second game just to give Atlanta another loss and in turn more lottery balls for Phoenix.

Portland never ceases to amaze me.

What's worse? A dead man cutting a check or an idiot cutting off his hand.

Currently my favorite TV show I have never seen an episode of.

Anyone Lupe co-signs is cool with me.

Can't hardly wait

The Brandon Jennings-led Oak Hill Academy played in the McKale Center tonight...jumping straight into it..

• Who ever puts on UA events should be ashamed of themselves. I was more excited for this high school basketball game than any Cats game this whole season, enough so that I got there a whole 30 minutes early (I know it's not much, but I like strolling in right at game time). As I got to the game there were two massive lines outside McKale one a wristband which admitted you into the game and one to get into the game. Why not let those who paid simply walk in to the event? I have no fucking clue. Also a belated 'fuck you' for the mess that was the UA alumni game, which was also a ticketing mess.
  
• Fortunately I got in before the game and was able to score third row center court seats, not too shabby (c) Adam Sandler. Good enough to get this shot with my camera phone.
• Spotted Jawann McClellan wearing a dumbass angry snowman tee. Someone should let Jawann know it's no longer 2004 and he's not Young Jeezy.
• By the way the Cats edged out San Diego State today 74-58 in a game that was much closer than that score.
• Brandon Jennings stood out from the Jordan Brand-sponsored Oak Hill with his black/red XIs. Filthy.
• The game was the first part of the GoAZCats.com Showdown, which featured a bullshit Tucson basketball game after the Oak Hill game, that's basically the equivalent of Jay-Z opening for Grime (a shitty Tucson rapper nobody listens to).
• Jennings hit the first bucket of the game with a deep, deep 3 that barely moved the net.
• Later on in the first quarter Jennings was coming up the court yelling "Iso! Iso!" while his coach was trying to call another play. He's just that cold.
• In the second quarter Jennings stroked a long 3, steals the next possession, then spins to the basket for a tough lay-up. He casually bops upcourt looking up at all players' points. 22 points with 5 minutes left in the second quarter. No big deal.
• Jennings finished the first half with 26, as Oak Hill led James B. Dudley(NC) 55-42.
• He continued to put on a show in the second half netting 3s with ease all the while looking like he was barely trying. He never went for a defensive rebound, played a 'casual' defense and usually never went inside the perimeter on offense, he just stood around the 3-point line calling for the ball, then getting it and effortlessly wetting 3s.
• It should be noted that Brandon Jennings' favorite class at Oak Hill is lunch.
• Oak Hill's starting center Keith "Tiny" Gallon is a 6'9'' 300 lb beast who had a defender on the floor for five minutes after he tried to take a charge. The man is massive to say the least.
  
• After it was all said in done, Jennings had 49!! after playing all 32 minutes of the game. Oak Hill won 102-91.
• He won the bullshit MVP award, which as one of my friends noted, "He would've got if he scored 15 points."
• After the game the local media swarmed the high school senior. Crazy fucking attention for an 18-year-old.
• 

Random Shit:
How did Chuck Hayes get to the NBA doing this?
Where are they now? J.P. Prince putting up numbers for Tennessee.
God damn sailing captains always showing their tits.

That's a lot of Starburys

My most sincere apologies for the 14-day Where's P-Mac drought, not sponsored by The Empire. I was on strike with the writers guild until I realized that I never was getting paid in the first place and I'm not part of any guilds.

I was actually in New York City promoting Where's P-Mac East, and by promoting I mean scribbling Wherespmac.com on the walls of NYU's dorm halls. While I was there I did get to witness what may be Stephon Marbury's last game as a Knick.

I went to the World's Most Famous Arena Sunday night to watch the Knicks play the Heat, who are still waiting for D-Wade to get up for the eighth time. I was pumped to see Stephon Marbury, one of my favorite players ever, in action. Unfortunately Jason Williams owned Steph the whole night, getting steals, hitting game winners and forcing Steph to take a horrible shot as the clock expired. Miami ended up winning their first game of the season 75-72.

Since then Steph has vanished into thin air. Not playing in the Tuesday's loss to the Suns and now threatening to snitch on Freaky Zekey.

"Isiah has to start me," Marbury fumed, according to the source. "I've got so much (stuff) on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first. You have no idea what I know."

Since two of the leagues craziest people are involved, nobody knows what's going to happen, but Steph has already been fined $180,000 or 12,016 pairs of Starburys.

On to the college game. UA has got off to a stellar start edging out a garbage Northern Arizona by 7 points in their opening game. I missed the game, but according to every report, it was an underwhelming effort by Zona.

Bad news: The Lumberjacks shot 50 percent from the field in the second half and stayed in the game despite shooting 19 fewer free throws. The Cats were only up 3 with 52 seconds left. Jordan Hill fouled out and the other big men got handled by Big-Sky-caliber big men. Jerryd Bayless is not Gilbert Arenas.

Good news: The season is still pretty young and the Cats got the win.

Better news: Brandon Jennings officially signed on. The same Brandon Jennings who appears on the latest SLAM presents PUNKS cover.

Greg Hansen has been brutally honest on UA sports all year and he's not stopping for hoops.

Early contender for Where's P-Mac Nic Wise Moment of the Season: In a feature in Sunday's Daily Star hoops season preview Nic Wise (now a sophomore) listed English 101 as his toughest class this semester. Seriously Nic? English 101 is your toughest class in your sophomore year? The C.A.T.S. program must work miracles with these kids' schedules. Honorable mention goes to senior Jawann McClellen for listing Celtic Spiritualism as his toughest class.

Other items of importance:

A new DJ Khaled video for the "I'm so hood remix" with Busta Rhymes wearing 100 chains.

I don't even watch the shit any more but great quote from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, "It would just be a colossal dick move if they did that," regarding making shows without his writing or voice.

Great example of drugs ruining a rap career.

Great example of drugs ruining a rapper, then the said rapper realizes he's now mentally retarded, rolls with it and makes it work.

Umm...Ok.

Finally I can't make Saturday's UA game versus Virginia. If anybody out there wants to write some notes on the game for the site get at me (jadler1@email.arizona.edu). You won't make a dime, but your e-street cred will go through the roof.