Sarah and I have no friends. At least none that live in the same country as us. We'd like to have friends because we only talk to each other and it's gotten to the point where I often have conversations with inanimate objects around the apartment. This isn't so bad because some times I practice my Spanish with the washing machine, but it's still far from ideal.
Besides our supremely high standards for any form of an acquaintance, our lack of friends comes from me being an introvert and the language barrier constantly foiling Sarah's outgoingness. Also the fact that we stay in most nights and watch The Wire doesn't help. I've been to two MeetUp.com meet-ups in hopes of making a friend, but both the events kinda sucked in my humble opinion.
I've made a semi-friend in the form of a local art gallery owner who's originally from California. He's a really, really nice guy, but he's got two kids, a real life, and is almost twice my age , which means he probably doesn't have the time or interest to sit around and breakdown every lyric of Murs' 3:16 The 9th Edition.
But Sarah and I almost have a friend in Kia, who we met two weeks ago at a grow shop, which is of course the best place to meet new friends. She's Italian, but speaks fluent English, so we can communicate easily. After Sarah and her talked for a while, the two exchanged numbers, which meant we might actually see her again.
The following Monday Sarah texted her to invite her over for dinner. Then we anxiously waited... and waited for a response, getting to relive all the pre-relationship fun of intensely over thinking a text message.
Finally she responded and said she couldn't do dinner, but she'd come over afterward. Perhaps we were too forward with the dinner invite. Maybe she wasn't ready for a full-on dinner date. Either way we were ecstatic that she at least wanted to hang out with us, so we played it cool by waiting a good 20 minutes before texting her back.
Then she out-cooled us, by not texting back until 9:30 that night to let us know she was on her way. I'm not sure how else to break down the fascinating facts I learned about Kia, than by jotting down a "Top 7 Interesting Things About Kia List."
7. She says "Mama Mia!" a lot. I didn't think real-life Italians, let alone ones that weren't fat old ladies, actually said "Mama Mia!"
6. She spent good part of the night telling us about some Avatar-style Italians who live in trees and fight the government.
5. She couldn't do dinner because she was fasting for Shiva, a Hindu holiday that apparently forbids eating.
4. She grew up in Turin, Italy but has since lived in Copenhagen, Berlin, and various parts of Spain. Her primary factor in determining where she lives is the country's laws concerning marijuana.
3. She chain smokes weed, hash, or hash-and-weed joints. I've met people who smoke all of the aforementioned drugs, but I've never met anyone who immediately lights another joint after smoking her fourth in 30 minutes.
2. In a manner that can only be related to the way magician pulls a 20-foot-long tissue out of his pocket, Kia sat down, then began to pull at least 10 different bags of pot, hash, and pre-rolled joints from various parts of her bra.
1. She has not gone to school since she was 16. Now at the age of 26, she's going back to school for the first time. What kind of school you ask? A music production/DJ academy in Ibiza.
Sarah and I still are not sure if Kia actually wants to be our friend or just our drug dealer, but either way we're going to keep buying grams off her 5 euro at a time until she stops hanging out with us.